


You can lay with me, so it doesn't hurt

by Lenasjk



Series: All I know [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes-centric, Friendship/Love, I mean, Jealousy, M/M, Possessive Behavior, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, but we all love him, it's Bucky as a Winter Soldier, just a little though, kind of, of course he wants Steve just to himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 06:03:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5323295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenasjk/pseuds/Lenasjk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Bucky Barnes knows is Steve Rogers</p>
            </blockquote>





	You can lay with me, so it doesn't hurt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lovesmoakingarrow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesmoakingarrow/gifts).



> I was feeling inspired, so I wrote this. I don't have a beta and I'm usually blind when it comes to finding my own mistakes, so let me know if you see any.
> 
> You don't need to read first part to know what's it about, but feel free to do that anyway.
> 
> Also someone asked for it, so it's for them! Hello, there! :D

He doesn't remember being Bucky Barnes. 

He doesn't know if he wants to be Bucky Barnes. 

But when Steve Rogers smiles at him, he thinks that being Bucky Barnes couldn't be so bad after all.

*

The earliest memory he has is Steve. 

Steve with bleeding knee and kids laughing at him. He isn't sure about the kids' part, but he sure as hell know there was Steve.

Steve was always there. 

Steve is all Bucky is sure of. 

His shrink tells him he should to try to remember something about his life when Steve wasn't around.

But the world without Steve Rogers is the world surrounded by pain and he doens't want to remember it. 

*

Bucky knows he had parents. He had two older brothers and younger sister. His parents and brothers died. His sister lives, her name is Rebekah.

He meets with her. She's 89 years old now, but when he looks her in the eyes all he can think of "these are my eyes". But hers are more alive. 

He doesn't remember her, but he does remember she had a crush on Stevie. 

When he tells her that she laughs. 

Unlike other people, she doesn't mind he remember only Steve. 

She tells him: "You loved him more than life itself, of course you remember him." 

He likes her. She doesn't expect anything from him beside his company. And she doesn't mind that if he talks, he talks only about Stevie. 

*

He has vague memory of his father. He remembers their talk about Steve. His father told him that Steve isn't good friend for Bucky, that he's sick and fraigle, so he can't keep up with him. 

Bucky disagreed. 

Bucky remember this, becuase Steve always made sure to be ablo to keep up with him. When Bucky tried to ease anything Steve would get mad. 

He hated seeing Steve mad, he still does. 

There is nothing more beautiful that Steve's smile and his shining eyes. 

There is no better feeling for Bucky when it is him who makes Steve smile. 

He loves it. 

So yeah, there is no surprise when he remembers ignoring his father's advice. 

Steve always has been everything for Bucky. 

*

Bucky knows he was Steve's first kiss, because Steve told him. 

He doesn't know if Steve was his, but he hopes so. 

He rememebr being used to different sexual acts. 

He doesn't want to remember them. 

He wants to remember Steve's kisses, his moans of pleasue. Not someone else's.

So he makes Steve to remind him. 

Now he knows how Steve tastes, smell. He knows where to touch him to moan Bucky's name. 

He is ecstatic. This is the only power he ever wants to have. The power to give every kind of pleasure to Steve.

*

Black Widow doesn't trust him. 

Good. 

Sometimes he doesn't trust himself either.

And he needs to know if something ever triggeres him there will be someone who stops him. Stop him from hurting Steve. 

He can't hurt Steve, not again. Never. 

*

He hates Sam Wilson. 

Sam was there to take care of Steve when Bucky couldn't. 

He should be greatful for Sam. 

He is.

But that doesn't stop him for not liking the guy. 

He should be the only guy in Steve's life. 

He's Steve's boyfriend. Partner. Best friend. Everything. 

He knows this. He does.

But damn you, Sam Wilson, for making Steve Rogers caring for you. 

Bucky is selfish. 

Always has been when it comes to his Stevie. 

*

Bucky hates that he remembers everything about being captured. 

He wants to remember only Steve.

He doesn't ask about much, does he?

*

He makes Steve to tell him about Bucky Barnes. About him. About them.

Steve makes them like they are fairy tales.

A boy who needs saving and a boy who always makes sure the first one has everything he needs.

A man who loves his best friend and a man who loves him right back.

Two broken people who are from another world, but somehow they find each other and will never let go.

*

Falling. 

He's falling.

He's always falling.

But this time there is always Steve who catch him right before he can crush.

*

Bucky remembers Steve being small. And skinny. And sick. 

Always one step ahead from death itself.

He likes images of skinny Steve in his head.

He prefer the big one though.

Big Steve is way ahead of death. It can't find him that easly.

*

He does remember being Bucky Barnes. 

Not everything, but enough.

He knows he is Bucky Barnes.

After all Bucky Barnes comes with Steve Rogers.

Bucky wouldn't have it any other.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


End file.
